Retards of the Caribbean
by G-ChanSanKun
Summary: Gina falls through a portal under her sister's bed and finds herself in the world of the Pirates of the Caribbean. She joins the crew of the Black Pearl to try and get home... and away from the ever horny Jack Sparrow. Hilarity ensues. JackxOC, probably.
1. Chapter 1

"Ugh… what the hell…"

Gina slowly opened her eyes with a slight moan. Sitting up, she glanced around slowly. There were docks everywhere.

"Where am I?" she asked herself, standing up and wincing as she prodded the lump on the back of her head. It was quite a fall, and it completely came out of nowhere. She had only been trying to clean underneath her sister's bed and the next thing she knew, she was falling down towards the ground.

"There really is a warp portal under her bed after all… oh, there it is," she picked out the pitch black spot in the night sky, "It's _that_ high up?! I'll never get back home! Damnit, this is not how I wanted to spend my summer break! I've got that appointment in two weeks!"

Sighing, she looked around once again. "Well… I might as well figure out where I am."

It didn't take long; she merely followed the loud noises up the load until she found her self in front of a bar.

"The Tortuga, huh… I know that that means 'turtle' in Spanish, but I feel like I'm missing something…"

Feeling ridiculously brave and superior all of a sudden, she pushed open the door, walking inside. There were pirates _everywhere_; pirates drinking rum at the bar, pirates dancing with whores on the floor, pirates fighting other pirates, even pirates fighting other pirates while dancing with whores and drinking rum. And that's when it finally came to her.

"Damnit! I'm in a movieverse, aren't I?" she groaned in annoyance as she rubbed her temples, "How the hell am I supposed to get out of Pirates of the Carribbean?! THIS IS SO LAME!"

Abruptly, a hand grabbed her ass, she didn't hesitate to clobber the poor pirate who had grabbed it.

"EXCUSE ME," she shrieked, "I DON'T APPRECIATE SEXUAL HARRASSMENT, SO IF YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR NUTSACK I SUGGEST YOU GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!"

In a fit of rage, Gina stormed over to the bar, plopping down on one of the stands. The bartender glanced up at her as he finished wiping down a mug.

"What'll ye have, lass," he asked gruffly.

"Nothing."

"Lass, if ye're going to sit at the bar, ye have to get a drink."

If Gina's glare could kill, that bartender would be dead and in pieces on the ground.

"Fine; give me a glass of air."

The bartender glared at her before handing her a glass with a bottle of rum. Gina stared at him incredulously.

"I didn't say rum; I don't have the money to…"

"Don't let it trouble ye, lass. It's on the house. Ye look like ye need to relax."

"I'm too young to drink."

"What are ye talking about, lass?"

"The law says I have to be 21 or older to drink. I'm only 19."

"Lass, there be no law that forbids ye from drinking."

Indicating the riot around them in exasperation, Gina retorted, "Do you really think I'd want to be drunk off of my ass in this place?!"

The man looked at the pirates half-killing each other while dancing and drinking, if that's even possible.

"I suppose ye got a point there, lass."

"Well, you're quite the spunky one, aren't ye?"

Gina glanced at the newcomer, blinking absentmindedly. It was surreal. The dreadlocks, the blue coat, the hat. There was no doubt about it – This man was-

"Johnny Depp."

The pirate blinked. "Who?" he asked in confusion.

"You're Johnny Depp."

The pirate watched her for a long moment. "Love, ye have me mixed up with another man. I'm Captain Jack Sparrow of the Black Pearl-…"

"No, Johnny, you _play_ Captain Jack in the movie," Gina corrected him immediately, "Seriously, I know an actor has to be in character and all, but this is ridiculous."

Jack!Johnny blinked. "A moovee? Lass, what in bloody hell are ye talking about-…" his voice trailed off in to a howl as Gina grabbed his beard and tugged, hard.

"I **know** this is a fake beard; I watch how the glued it to your face in the special features DVD!"

To her confusion, the beard wouldn't budge. "Huh… that's weird. Well I suppose the glue is kinda tough," she thought aloud, eyeing the drealocks, "But the wig however…"

Abruptly she was trying to rip out Jack's hair.

"The wig must fit like a condom or something…"

"Bloody wench! Quit tugging me hair!"

"Me hair…?" Gina blinked, slowly letting go, "So… that means… that's not a wig; it's your hair?" she asked. Jack nodded. "And the beard isn't glued on; it's really growing out of your face?"

Jack nodded once again, looking slightly more than pissed. Gina smacked herself in the forehead.

"Well… fuck."

Before she could run for her life however, Jack's arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her t his side.

"Well now, ye sure have cause a bit of trouble for ol' Jack here. I think ye owe me a dance to pay me back, love," Jack smirked. Gina blinked as his words sunk in.

"Hey, that's a good idea!" she cried in realization. There was a huge grin on her face.

"Yes, love, I thought so too. So let's go dance-…" Jack was suddenly shoved to the side as Gina whipped out her Ipod.

"WHO HAS SPEAKERS?" she roared, stunning the mob into silence as they all stared at her blankly. Gina looked at the puzzled sea of faces.

"Oh yea…"

With that, she proceeded to make a pair of speakers with a couple of crates, some guys hat, a skank's dress, and a few copper wires she pulled from a bottle of rum. She hooked her Ipod up and cleared the floor, assuming the position.

Jack stared at her. "Love, what are ye doing?" he asked.

Gina grinned confidently. "I'm dance, stupid," she replied as the music kicked in.

'All my single ladies, all my single ladies…'


	2. Chapter 2

The mob was stunned by the time she was finished, and she glanced around expectantly.

"Lass…" Jack asked slowly, "Just what was that ye were doing?"

"Huh?" Gina replied breathlessly, "I told you, a dance. I danced to Single Ladies. You know, Beyoncé?"

She heard the crowd murmurs oh "Who? Beyoncé? Single Ladies?"

Gina smacked her forehead in exasperation. "She's a famous singer from my time, and Single Ladies was one of her songs! I happened to memorize the dance that was in the accompanying music video and I just performed it for you! SO APPLAUD ME ALREADY!"

Hesitantly, the mob slowly clapped as Gina bowed and skipped back over to the bar, feeling much more satisfied. A moment later, Jack was sitting next to her and leaning against the counter.

"Love, when I said a dance, I didn't mean that," he said matter-of-factly with a rather sexy glint in his eyes. Gina glanced over at him after taking a sip for the shot of rum she had poured.

After grimacing at the taste (and feeling morally wrong for drinking underage – that bar was gonna get closed down), Gina looked at the captain quizzically. "Was I supposed to do the tango? The salsa? Ballet? The Cha cha slide? Oh wait, I know what it was supposed to be; the Macarena, right?"

"… no, lass. I think ye have the wrong idea."

Gina stared at him for a long time. She knew exactly what it was he wanted; all the guys at home loved her for her ass, so why would he be any different? She pulled out her cell phone and flipped it open.

"What's that little trinket…?" Jack started to ask.

"WELL look at the time!" Gina cut him off rather quickly, standing up and brushing her legs off without thinking, "It's getting late, and I need to find a tree to sleep in."

Jack blinked. A tree? What?

Gina extended her hand. "Anyway, I suppose it was nice to meet you. My name is Regina, but you can call me Gina, or Ghetto-Butt, or G-Butt, or just G."

Jack looked more than just confused. "Love, just what did ye mean by a tree…?"

"Well that's my cue to go!" With that, Gina began squeezing and pushing through the crowd. It was bad enough she was stuck in the movieverse; if this was an actual plot for one of the movies, she may very well have destroyed it. The best thing for her to do was to get as far away from the main characters as possible. Perhaps she'd be able to find a way to get through that warp portal by herself…

Abruptly, a body fell on her back and she stumbled forward, catching herself before she could face plant. Whoever was draped over her, he reeked of alcohol. Clearly he was drunk off of his ass.

"Hey there, little lassie," he slurred in her ear, "Come dance with me."

Gina shrugged him off, or at least tried to. "Um, sorry. I think you're looking for one of the whores… they're sitting over there."

She indicated the group of obvious whores in the corner, but the drunken pirate wouldn't have any of that. He grabbed her ass, squeezing it roughly.

"No love, I want you to dance with me."

"Okay, seriously, if you don't fucking get your hands off of me, I'm gonna to rip your head off and feed it to the dogs!"

The man chuckled/garbled. "You're a feisty little one, aren't ye, love," he cackled. The next thing he knew, she was elbowing him in the ribs, whirling around, and kicking his crotch as if she was taking the winning shot on goal in a soccer game.

"LISTEN TO ME WHEN I FUCKING TELL YOU SOMETHING, ASSHOLE!" She roared. Unfortunately, her kicking the guy set off a chain of events.

The pirate stumbled backwards into a pirate making out with some skank against one of the pillars. The pirate who had just had his dance interrupted, turned around and began beating on the drunk pirate. In bringing his fist back for the umpteenth punch, he accidentally elbowed some other guy in the back. That other guy, who didn't know exactly who hit him, turned and punched the first guy he saw. Little things like this continued to happen, and the next thing Gina knew, the whole bar had turned into a warzone.

Gina was shoved forward and she stumbled, barely avoiding a pirate lunging for her. God, of all the things…! She ducked under a punch and weaved through a dog pile, and found herself pressed up against the wall.

"Really, how much more uncivilized can these retards get…!" she trailed off into a yelp of surprise as she scooted to the side. A pirate was shoved roughly against the spot where she had been moments before. Glancing around wildly, Gina tried to locate the exit. And she found it; unfortunately, there was a huge mass of guys beating the crap out of each other perfectly in front of it.

"H-hey!" she yelled over the shouts, "That's a fire hazard!"

Of course, they didn't listen to her.

While she wasn't paying attention, a pirate was shoved into her and she stumbled forward into the back of another guy. He whirled around, nearly smacking her across the face. He realized that she was feminine, and pressed her against the wall.

"A little lass like you shouldn't be out here with the big boys," he leered at her. Gina stiffened.

"Do you think I actually like being stuck in all of this!" she snarled in reply, shoving him away, "Now get off of me!"

Unfortunately, he grabbed her wrist as he fell backwards, and she was half thrown in to the very thick of it. Now she was weaving and tripping over smelly guys as she tried to fight her way for shelter, like a trench or something… oh wait, it's not World War I, it's theEuropean Renaissance, Gina thought to herself in fury.

Once more, she was shoved, this time backwards. She lost her footing, and fell backwards. Which wasn't good, because if she hit the ground, she would be trampled to death. _Great, just what I've always dreamed of; getting stuck and killed in a movieverse_, Gina thought sarcastically to herself. To her surprise, she didn't fall. She blinked, realizing that someone had caught her. Glancing up over her shoulder, she came face to face with.

"Jack?"

Captain Sparrow grinned. "Time to go, love," he shouted over the noise as he helped her steady herself before grabbing her arm and tugging her towards the door, navigating through the crowd deftly. They broke through the dog pile and Jack led her through the entrance. Gina stopped to catch her breath, glancing over her shoulder.

"Stupid crazy sons of-…"

"Can't stop here love," Jack cut her off, grabbing her wrist once again and pulling her along once again, "Ye don't really believe that brawls stay in the Tortuga, do ya?"

"How would I know?!" Gina shot back defensively, "And where are you taking me anyway?"

"You'll be safe on the Pearl, love, don't worry about it."

"But I…"

Well, so much avoiding the main characters. Now she might as well call herself Captain Sparrow's first mate.

"Stupid summer vacation," Gina mumbled under her breath.

"What was that, lass?"

"…. Nothing Captain."

It wasn't long before they had reached the docks. Gina was clutching at the stitch in her side, as they had run the whole way there. Good God, she was so out of shape, she hated her self. Why hadn't she become an obese loser, anyway?

"Oh yea… it's because I don't eat," she muttered sarcastically.

"Are ye alright there, lass?" Jack watched her in curious amusement.

"Oh don't mind me. I'm just dying."

"Ye look pretty healthy for someone who's about to die."

"IT'S CALLED SARCASM!" Jack raised his hands up in one of those 'well SORRY' poses. Gina sighed, her voice quieting significantly as she asked "Why did you help me out anyway? Back at the bar, I mean."

"Honestly, love, ye looked pitiful out there," he replied cheerfully, "I couldn't stand to see ye get ripped out like a deer in a lion's den."

Glaring at him while he laughed at her, Gina snapped "Well ha ha, very funny."

"Besides that, lassie," Jack suddenly had the most obvious shit-eating grin Gina had ever seen in her life, "Now that I've gone out of my way to save ye, you've got a debt to repay."

Gina was dumbfounded as she stared at him. "… A… debt…?" she asked slowly.

"Yes, love. Now, to repay me, ye have to join my crew. Savvy?"

"But, I'm not from around here. I don't even belong in this era!"

Jack eyed her for a long moment. "Then where are ye from?"

"If I told you, you definitely wouldn't believe me," Gina sighed in defeat. She was going to be here for a long while. Well, hopefully, she could find her way back home before her fifth semester started in the fall.

*********

It was chilly that night on the deck, but Gina paid no heed as she stared out at the ocean sparkling under the moonlight. It hadn't even been 3 hours since she got stuck here, and she was already perfectly miserable. She pulled out her cell phone, flipping it open. Not surprisingly, there were no service bars. Sighing, crestfallen, she closed the phone, resting her head against the railing. There was no way she could call home and let everyone know that she was alive and okay.

"What's that little trinket ye got there?"

Gina jumped in fright, staring in shock at Captain Sparrow. Where the hell did he come from?! Was he a SPECTER or something!?

"It's… my phone…" she answered, immediately pocketing it. She didn't want him to snatch it from her, "It's completely useless in this world, too."

Jack watched her fumble with her phone. "Lass, ye make it sound like ye aren't of this world," he stated."

"… I'm not. You couldn't tell?"

Jack raised an eyebrow, and Gina sighed.

"I'm not a pirate. I wasn't even born in this era. I'm from the future. I was born in the year 1989," Gina gave him a tired smile, "Kinda crazy, huh?"

"Well love, considering how I came back from the dead, I can't say I don't believe it. Anything happens on these waters."

Gina snorted. "I suppose you've got a point there."

"So, ye feelin' homesick?" he asked as he looked out at the water. Gina turned and stared out at the ocean as well.

"A little. But there's no way I can get back. The wrap portal is too high to reach."

Jack blinked. "Warp portal?"

Gina moved closer to him, ignoring his arm for the moment as it wrapped around her shoulders, and she indicated the black dot in the sky.

"I fell through that."

"… Lass, I'm not quite sure how ye managed to fall through a black hole."

"It was under my sister's bed."

Jack declined to comment on this. Why the hell was there a black hole under her sister's bed?! That's almost as weird as being stuck in Davy Jones' Locker. Well, that wasn't the point.

"But you're feelin' lonely, aren't ye?" Jack continued, sliding closer to Gina.

"What, do you think I like being totally separated from my important people? Of course I'm lonely," Gina half-heartedly shot back.

Jack subtly pulled her against his side. "I can keep ye company, love…"

Gina glanced up at him blankly, and he smirked.

"Cap'n, we have a slight problem."

Jack was more than ready to kill Mr. Gibbs, but since he liked to pretend that he practiced patience, he turned around slowly, letting go of Gina's shoulders, and smiled lavishly.

"What's the matter, GIBBS?" he over-emphasized the last word through his gritted teeth.

"There be no extra rooms for the lass to sleep in," he replied.

Immediately Jack felt like the luckiest guy on the planet. If there was such a thing as the New York Lottery back then, he would have just won it.

"Well, if that's the case, then we can have her sleep with-…" he began.

"I can sleep in the crow's nest," Gina suggested. Jack nearly fell down, like in the animes that Gina watched all the time at home.

"L-lass… ye… what?" Jack stammered weakly.

"If there's no room, I can sleep in the crow's nest. It's not that big of a deal. I'm not afraid of heights, and this hoody of mine looks like it isn't warm, but it's amazingly warm… OMG NO!"

Everyone in the vicinity jumped at her sudden shriek. Jack stared at her.

"What be the problem?" he asked.

"It's stained! My %*#!)$% hoody is STAINED," she ranted, indicating how her white Ithaca College hoody was a poop brown, "This damn thing cost me $40! It was expensive! God, how much worse can this get!?"

She sighed heavily, rubbing her temples for a moment. Jack and Mr. Gibbs shared a wary glance. She had a temper. They would have to make sure to keep on her good side, for sure.

"Eh… lass…?" Jack tried cautiously, squeaking in surprise when she opened her eyes and revealed a death glare aimed at the world. Mr. Gibbs gawked at his Captain. Did Jack Sparrow… _the_ Jack Sparrow… _squeak_?

Then Gina glared over at him, and he quickly understood why.

"Where can I find pillows and blankets?" she asked evenly. Mr. Gibbs visibly swallowed, and silently ushered her to follow him.

Jack watched her follow Mr. Gibbs. Maybe he would wait until the next night before he offered to share with her his room…

---------------

**A/N: Hi all! Sorry for the lack of author's note in the first chappie. Anyway I'm hoping you all are enjoying this so far; it's a random thing. Anyway, I'm going to make it a semi-crack romance I believe. I'll see where this takes me. I'll try to update soon :) POTC doesn't belong to me, but this crack plot does XD**


	3. Chapter 3

Jack strolled out on to his deck just as the sun was rising over the horizon. Ironically, the Pirates of the Caribbean's biggest alcoholic was also an early bird.

"Strange," he thought aloud, "I feel like I'm forgetting something…"

Well, he supposed, it wasn't that big of a deal since he couldn't remember it. It was occasionally hard to remember details after a night of drinking, which was every night, but especially when he didn't particularly care about said details. In the meantime, he wanted to get his routine glimpse of the sunrise, and so he decided that he would climb up to the crow's nest to look around. Besides, he wanted to make positively sure that there weren't any Davy Joneses or Hector Barbossas in the near vicinity.

Jack paused in his ascent up the ladder. Why was he even thinking of those two?! Davy was dead, FINALLY, and Hector and he were pals… sort of. Well, the point was he didn't owe them anything, so there. Speaking of which, did he owe anyone anything?

"Of course I don't," he blatantly lied to himself as he continued to the crow's nest.

When he got up to the top, he nearly jumped and let out a shout in surprise. There was a giant lump of blanket that wasn't supposed to be there. Who in bloody hell had left that there?

Grumbling to himself about his messy crew, he stepped forward, squatting on his haunches to scoop the blankets into his arms.

That was, of course, before he saw it move.

He shot straight back up, staring at the mass of blankets like it was a monster. Something suddenly began nagging him in the back of his head. Yea, he definitely had forgotten something. He crouched down in front of the lump and pulled it back to reveal our heroine, sound asleep.

At the sudden exposure to the sunlight, she grumbled, moaning a complaint before groping around for the blankets to cover her face back up to shield her eyes from the glare of the rising sun.

"'s too early," she mumbled, furrowing her brows as Jack watched her in amusement. Well, he couldn't exactly leave her there; who knew how the crew would react?

_"Cap'n, there be a stowaway on the ship! And she be a FEMALE!"_

The whole crew would perk up at this, and immediately scramble to jump her before she had the chance to scream "FUCK OFF!"

So, after covering her face again with the blankets so that she'd go back into a deep sleep, he carefully scooped her into his arms and turned to take her back to his cabin.

He paused upon remembering where he was. He glanced down at the deck, a hundred or so feet below. Oh yea… Climbing down a ladder with no hands wasn't the smartest of things to do. How in the world was he supposed to get her down without killing the both of them?

"… Bugger," he finally concluded.

After about half an hour of slowly struggling down the ladder, in which he nearly dropped Gina three times and nearly fell to his own death four times, Jack found himself and his cargo safely at the bottom, and he hastily put her to bed before any of his crew happened to come up and see her. And then he scrambled back up to the crow's nest, pretending like he didn't just carry a young woman into his cabin after taking her in last night since she was lost in time.

Jack smirked to himself. Gina was safe in his cabin, only Mr. Gibbs knew about her presence on the ship, and the crew wouldn't find out without him telling him. Nothing would go wrong.

At least, that's what he thought. He quickly realized that he was very, _very_ wrong by around mid day, when Gina woke up.

He had been scanning the open sea with his telescope when he heard a shout.

"Cap'n, there be a stowaway on the ship! And she be a FEMALE!"

"… Oh bugger…" Before Jack could say anything else, there was a long, piercing scream.

"FUCK OFF!"

He had forgotten to knock on wood, he just _knew it_.

Leaping over the railing and briskly walking across the deck, he saw at least half of his crew surrounding Gina, who was struggling and shrieking and cursing and threatening the worst possible death to every crew member on the ship.

"Well, you're a feisty one, aren't ye?" one of his crew sneered. Promptly, he was punched across the face.

"IF YOU DON'T GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME RIGHT NOW, I'LL HANG YOU BY YOUR FUCKING INTESTINES AND MAKE YOU CHOKE TO DEATH ON YOUR FUCKING BALLS!" she roared.

"Throw her down in the brig! She'll have lots of fun down there!" the guy snarled once he was sure the blood pouring from his freshly broken nose wasn't sliding down his throat. Two other crew members grabbed her arms and began the grueling process of dragging her towards the stairs.

"FUCKING LET ME GO, YOU ASSHOLES! I'LL CASTRATE EVERY LAST ONE OF YOUR MOTHERFUCKERS!" Several of the pirates paled, but nevertheless ignored her.

"Alright that's enough," Jack called lazily as he promptly silenced the mob, "Let her go, she's not a stowaway."

Everyone glanced over at Jack before looking over at a clearly shaken Gina, and then looking back again.

"She ain't?" One of the pirate extras asked.

"No, I'm not a stowaway, damnit! Let go of me!" Gina shouted, trying to pull her arm free.

"Shut up, wench!"

"I'M NOT A WENCH YOU DICKWEED! COME OVER HERE AND SAY THAT AGAIN! SEE WHAT HAPPENS ASSHOLE."

The crew member sneered at her. "Wench," he cackled.

The look on Gina's face was similar to that of a psychotic serial killer as she broke free of her captor's arms, and lunged at the caught-off-guard crew member, tackling him to the ground. The next few minutes thereafter were too horrifying to put on paper (although this isn't really paper, but I still won't write the details for fear of severely traumatizing any unsuspecting readers).

Jack watched the mutiny continue and listened to the bloodcurdling screams for a few minutes before he spoke up again. "I think he gets the point, lass," he walked over and carefully tugged her off of his half-dead corpse of a ship mate. Gina was struggling to get back at the unlucky victim, and so Jack had to wrap his arms tightly around her and yank her backwards.

"LET ME GO! I NEED TO BEAT HIS FACE IN-…"

"Yes, yes, love, that's exactly why I'm not going to let you go." The entire crew was completely speechless as Jack dragged Gina back towards his cabin. Once he reached the door, he paused, glancing at his fallen comrade before looking up at the others. "You might want to get him some help before he dies of blood loss. Savvy?"

His request snapped the rest of the crew out of it, and they quickly took the bleeding guy down to the belly of the ship (lack of a term, because I just brainfarted. Anyone who knows what it's called, leave a comment letting me know! XDDD). Nodding in approval, he hastily half-waltzed through the door, releasing Gina once he knew that she wouldn't be able to get past him, and closed the door shut, letting out a brief sigh of relief. Of course, that was before he found himself being stared down by her death glare once again. No, then, then he paled, his sigh catching in his throat so he made one of those weird, gulping hiccup noises that you can't really describe in words.

"Why the hell did you stop me?! He deserved it!" she ranted at him quite loudly.

"Well, love, he doesn't deserve to be brutally murdered like you were on the way to doing," he replied rather calmly considering she was glaring at him and he was sure that he would've been dead if she had magical powers, "I'm pretty sure he's learned his lesson… aswellastherestofmycrew… so they won't insult you again."

Gina didn't look convinced, so Jack moved on to his first strategy; changing the subject. "Anyway, lass, I'm glad you're okay, and sorry about not warning you about my crew. They weren't as lucky as I was to have been born with unparalleled charms and god-like looks, so they tend to… oh… attack their prey, so to speak."

With that sentence, Gina looked like she was going to puke. Jack quickly added "Not that I would have actually let them do that and all… I did help you out earlier."

"Yea… yea, yea…" Gina rolled her eyes and, in a huff, flopped backwards on to the bed, still irritated, "So now what? Am I supposed to just live in this room for the rest of my stay on the ship or something?"

Jack eyed her up and down without hesitation, and held back sweet temptation. After all, he wasn't quite as drunk as he needed to be to really get into the mood. "Only if you want to, love," he replied smoothly, strolling around the room, namely pacing back and forth alongside the bed, enjoying the sight of her in it. Hey, he was a man, a _pirate_ at that. He could be as perverted as he wanted and he didn't give a damn who cared.

"If you want to be on deck, you're more than free to, though I'll caution you to keep an eye on my crew. They're a bit…indecent, especially with a delightful little woman such as yourself."

"Yea, because I didn't realize that before when they all clearly looked like they were going to gang rape me the second they threw me down in the brig," she retorted sarcastically. Jack couldn't help but chuckle at this, and when she glared at him incredulous he held up his hand in another 'well SORRY' gesture.

"Sorry lass, but I like your sense of humor," he explained. Gina looked surprised.

"Oh… so there _is_ someone in this era that knows how to identify sarcasm after all huh," she said before letting out a huge sigh, abruptly standing up, "So, mind giving me a tour of the ship? I'd like to know where the kitchen and bathroom are."

Jack opened the door for Gina, letting her step out first and him following close after, throwing an arm over her shoulders as he led her around the ship.

---------

"So… _this_ is the _bathroom_?"

Gina had never been so horrified and sick to her stomach in her life. Jack was proudly presenting to her a half-rotted bucket filled with fecal matter, urine, and other substances that she'd rather not guess as to what they were.

Jack was completely oblivious to her nausea. "Lovely, ain't it, lass? Ever day or two, I have someone dump the contents overboard, so it's always relatively clean."

Gina gave him a 'look'. "Are you being serious?" she asked incredulously, turning Jack's smirk into a bewildered look.

"Lass, I was half-joking. This isn't the best of washrooms, but it's what we've got," he replied, sounding slightly apologetically.

"So… you don't have like, a bathtub or a sink? To, you know, keep your hygiene in check?"

Jack shook his head, and Gina promptly screamed "LAME!" in frustration before falling into deep thought.

There was absolutely no way in hell she wasn't going to kill herself if she didn't find a way to enjoy her hot showers. The kitchen was tolerable, but this?! No! Never! Nein! No way in HELL would she use that thing! She'd much rather strangle herself or throw herself into the ocean!

And that's when she came up with it. Jack shrank back at the evil grin on Gina's face.

"I'll make a bathroom," Gina sneered before heading off into the bowels of the ship. Yes, folks, she is going to install a plumbing system into the ship. Bitches.

After using a shit ton of rope, several dozen boxes, two cannons that she melted and welded into bowls (toilet bowls, to be exact)using the stove in the kitchen, a few of the crew's hammocks (they wouldn't know…), and two strands of seaweed, Gina install a full-fledged plumbing system on the ship, two bathrooms included. One was down where all the crew slept, and there was a private bathroom (that she planned on using) in Jack's cabin. It took approximately 12 hours to teach everyone how to actually use the shower/tub and the toilet, but once it was all set and good, they were using the toilet like there was no tomorrow.

"And remember, _don't use a shit ton of toilet paper_ – no pun intended-…" she warned the men, "If I find a clogging in any of these wonderfully constructed pipes, oh so help me God…"

And with that, she turned her death glare on the whole lot of them. Thirteen of them peed their pants, five of them fainted, and three of them were permanently scarred for life, and consequently were dropped off at an insane asylum at the next pit stop.

---------

"So? What did ye find out, Collins?"

The ship mate climbed out of the dinghy, immediately standing to full attention to his pirate captain.

"Aye sir, they set sail the night before, but Cap'n Sparrow of the Black Pearl was in Tortuga. He can't be too far, sir. They say he set off in the direction of the moon, sir."

"West, eh? Then that's where we be goin' as well. Set sail west you scawalags! We be catching The Pearl by dusk of the next day, if my name isn't Cap'n Gold Roger of the Blood Mary!"

The captain had a triumphant grin on his face as his crew set to work. He would catch Sparrow and get what he came for.

"It won't be long now, Jack…"


	4. Author's Note

**Hey all! Just a quick author's note from me.**

**Just letting you know that I'm still alive. Sorry for disappearing off the face of the FanFiction earth, but things haven't been all that good on the home front. There have been some major family problems and we just found out that my mom has diabetes. But I'm working on getting out of my funk and getting back to working on ROTC.**

**Also, for those of you following my OC fic, I HAVEN'T ABANDONED IT! The first chapter is still in the works. I'm just fighting a bout of writer's block.**

**Anyway, I'll try to update as soon as I can!**

**- G  
**


	5. Chapter 4

**Hey all! I finally managed to get the inspiration and motivation to update and get a new chapter out! It took a lot of deliberating, because I didn't know how I was going to get from one part of the plot to another, and I just _had_ to introduce Gina with Will, but I did it. Now that I've got things rolling again, working on this story shouldn't be as big of a deal. But please don't expect me to dish out the chapters rapid fire; I've got a rather large work load here at school, so I've been really busy. Though I hope I'll be able to stick with it. (Note: to all my _Haunted_ followers; it's not abandoned! Third chapter IS in the works! I'll have it done as soon as possible!) Enjoy!  
**

**Disclaimer: Pirates of the Caribbean doesn't belong to me. This particular plot and the OC's, however, do.  
**

* * *

Gina was bored. She was very bored. She was so bored, that she didn't know what to do. _Way to state the obvious, narrator,_ Gina thought in annoy… hey! I do a very good job narrating, damnit! And I control your fate so you'd better not fuck with me!

Gina quickly shut up after that.

Instead, she sighed, looking out at the long and vast ocean. If she was home right now, she'd be working at her summer job… Actually, she'll be fired when she gets back, for sure.

"Don't remind me…" Gina muttered. The crew-mates nearby glanced at her, slightly fearful that she was apparently talking to herself. Maybe _she_ somehow clawed her way out of Davy Jones' Locker as well…

"You look a bit troubled, love," Jack remarked as he strolled up, "Care to share?"

"Oh, well, I'm bored. That's about it. I mean, I used to have a _life_ you know. I wasn't stuck on some ship in the middle of the sea."

Jack look highly offended – it wasn't just any ship, thank you very much! It was the _Black _Pearl, with the highly esteemed Captain Jack Sparrow, the legend of all legends here on the Caribbean Sea – but didn't actually say this, so he'd stay on her good side. Instead, he leaned against the rail next to her. "It's a shame my little brother isn't around. I'm sure he'd entertain you with plenty of stories of our heroic adventures across the sea."

Gina skeptically raised an eyebrow, "Since when did you have a brother?"

"Well, he isn't brother by blood, but as close as we are, we might as well be. Ah yes, I haven't seen Will in quite a while, let me tell you. One of the last times I saw him was…"

"During the big battle against Davy Jones and the East India Trading Company, in which Will was stabbed and then converted to the new, and much purer (and hotter) pirate captain of the _Flying Dutchman_."

Jack stared at her. "How did you know that?"

"I watched the movie, remember?"

"You never told me what that is… Well, never mind that. As I was saying; Will and I have made quite a legend of ourselves. Of course, he isn't as popular and admired as me, of course. I know he's been busy ferrying souls to the Afterlife, but it'd be nice to see him every once in awhile…"

Abruptly, a huge ship burst up from the very depths of the ocean, stunning the crew of the _Black Pearl_.

"Well… what do you know…?" Jack said after blinking.

And just as Jack was saying that, Will apparated onto the deck.

"Will's a Hogwarts student?" Gina asked aloud as Will glanced at her as if she grew another head.

"_What_?"

"Uh, well, I meant, the narrator said… never mind…" She rapidly trailed off as she noticed the stares she was receiving.

"Will my boy!" Jack ignored all the initial awkwardness and swaggered up to Will, grasping the younger man's hand in a firm shake, "I haven't seen you in years! The times have treated you well from my wise and perceptive eye. What brings you aboard the _Black Pearl_?"

"Actually, the souls I was ferrying told me you were talking about me, and that you had a new crew member aboard your ship. Am I to assume that the girl is what they were talking about?"

Jack nodded, looking quite proud of himself. Will, on the other hand, was staring at Gina incredulously.

"_Her?_" he asked.

"Hey, excuse me!" Gina shot back hotly, "I'm just as competent and capable, if not more so, than everyone you know! I bet I have more skills than Elizabeth, and I'm hotter than her too, so shut up!"

Will's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "And how do you know my wife?" he asked slowly.

"I watched the movie, damnit! The movie!"

"What's a movie?" Will looked bewildered as he glanced over at Jack, who shrugged.

"Beats me."

"It's way past your time, okay?" Gina finally said in exasperation, "I wouldn't be able to explain it to you and make sense, so drop it."

"Past our time? But you appear to be younger than me," Will protested.

"Well, if I wanted to be realistic, I would technically be something like 400 years older than you, at least."

"But… that's preposterous, not to mention impossible!"

"So says the undead captain of the _Flying Dutchman_."

Will was very quick to shut the fuck up after that.

"Actually mate, Gina is from the future. She fell through a black hole under her sister's bed. She's been stuck here ever since." Luckily for Will, Jack was so kind as to inform Will of the situation.

The young pirate captain nodded, still looking very confused, and turned to look around. He failed to notice the floorboard that slightly loose. Gina did, but it was just as she was screaming "Look out!" that Will tripped over the board, falling forward on an outstretched arm. There was a pop, and Will let out a pained shout. The nearby crewmember crowded around him, trying to see what happened. Jack was at the front of this mob.

"MOVE!"

The crewmembers that didn't hear Gina were quickly shoved aside as she fought through and crouched next to Will. Glancing up at the crowd, she barked "Back off! I need space to work, damnit!"

The group, minus Jack, quickly did as told. The Captain watched her carefully.

"Will, tell me what hurts," Gina asked, well more like demanded, as she checked his body up and down, and NO, not in the perverted way, damnit.

"M-my shoulder," Will let out a hiss in pain as he clutched at it. Gina nodded, prying his hand away.

"I need you to bear with me for a moment, okay?" her voice was gentler, calming down Will enough to nod mutely. His skin had paled; probably from the pain.

Firstly, Gina carefully placed her hands over his good shoulder, getting a sense for how it felt. Then, she switched over to his shoulder. Right off the bat she could feel the humeral head protruding in the back.

"Oh boy," she whistled, "This is a dislocation all right…"

"Lass, what's that?"

"I'll explain later. For now, I need to reduce this," she responded impassively. She was almost business-like as she continued. "Will? I know this is going to hurt, but I need to you to bear for just a little while longer. I need you to completely relax this arm, okay?"

Reluctantly, he did as told. Gina had his forearm in her firm grasp as she carefully stood up, smiling apologetically as Will grimaced and let out a gasp in pain. She took off a sneaker, placing a foot in the crook of his armpit. Then, she leaned back, slowly pulling on the arm with a gently increasing amount of strength. Will squeezed his eyes shut; it was clear that this was hurting him a lot. Jack was scrutinizing the scene before glancing at Gina.

"That doesn't appear to be working," he spoke up, "You ought to stop."

"Just wait," Gina replied firmly, "Trust me."

Jack looked very obviously skeptical, but didn't press any further. It looked like she was using all of her weight to pull back. Abruptly, she leaned back a little farther, and everyone heard another loud pop. A collective mass of wide eyes stared at Gina as if she had just killed the captain of the _Flying Dutchman_, but before they could start reaming her out for breaking his neck, there was a long sigh. The shocked gazes then turned to stare at Will, who looked surprised.

"It feels better," he stated incredulously, "It's better."

Gina smiled, clearly proud of her work, before turning to glance at Gibbs, "Do you have any old sheets? I need to make a sling for his arm."

----

"Well I would have _never_ even _dreamed_ that the great captain of the supernatural _Flying Dutchman_ would have his arm in a sling."

Will rolled his eyes, "Yes Jack, I get your point. You know, even though I'm undead doesn't mean I can't get hurt and feel pain you know! You can be so ridiculous sometimes!"

Gina adjusted the sling a tad before she spoke up, "You'll want to keep this sling on for at least a few days. I would say to ice it, but your generation hasn't invented fridges and we're nowhere near the North or South Poles. So for now, keep it in that. You'll have to come back within three days so I can check it."

"How do you know all that?" Will asked, slightly taken aback by her sudden no-nonsense attitude.

"I'm a college student, majoring in Athletic Training. Basically, I'm studying the medicine of sports. I want to be a doctor someday," Gina replied with a sincere smile, "What happened to you was you dislocated your socket; you forced your arm out of its socket. I reduced it, meaning I put it back into place. As long as you don't do anything stupid like playing baseball, you should be fine."

Will looked helpless. "…Baseball…?"

Jack clapped his hands, interrupting the discussion. "Perfect! So for as long as you're here, you can be our doctor!"

"I just can't be a doctor! I'm training for a specific _type_ of doctor! I'm not going to be able to help you if someone gets sick!"

Jack waved his hand. "That's simply trivial matter. You'll make a fine doctor for this ship."

Will ignored Gina bashing her skull into the mast and glanced over at his friend. "Well, anyway, Jack, that's not the only reason why I've come to you."

"What seems to be the problem? It's nothing the Great Pirate Captain Jack Sparrow can't handle…"

"I heard some other gossip. Captain Gold Roger's looking for you. I heard it has something to do with a debt of yours."

"… Bugger."

* * *

**Yes, I am studying athletic training, and that really is the proper way to reduce a shoulder dislocation. You have to do it nice and easy; otherwise you might fracture the humeral head. Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter, and thanks to all who patiently waited for it!**

**PS - I hope it isn't too lame _  
**


	6. Chapter 5

**Like I said before, while there's still going to be funny moments, this will take on a slightly more serious tone. Hope you enjoy!  
**

**Disclaimer: Pirates of the Caribbean doesn't belong to me. This particular plot and the OC's, however, do.  
**

* * *

"Hey, lass…"

Gina glanced up at Jack, looking slightly bored. He looked slightly uncomfortable. What was his problem?

"I have a problem. And you _are_ the doctor, so you can help."

"… Yes?" Gina asked as she raised an eyebrow.

"Well, I'm not sure… but it's bothering me, and I wanted to know if you could make it better."

"Make what better?"

Jack looked around before glancing back at her, "Can we talk about this in private?"

Gina looked confused, and slightly suspicious, but as she was the doctor of the ship, she complied nonetheless.

Once they were in his Cabin, Jack closed the door as Gina sat on the bed.

"Well?" she asked with a heavy sigh, "Tell me what your problem is."

Abruptly, Jack's demeanor changed. A small smirk graced his features as he stood in front of her.

"Well, you see, lass, I've been having a strange urge," he was undoing his sash, "And I think you have the… ahem, skills… to take care of it."

With that, he dropped his pants, exposing his wonderful erection for all to see (well, just Gina).

"YOU PREV!"

The crewmates on deck heard Gina's shriek, followed by another shriek, this one sounding much more like Jack. Then, the door to his Cabin flew open with a **bang**, and Gina came storming out.

"I HOPE YOU ROT, YOU DICKHEAD!"

Jack didn't emerge to chase her down (in reality, he was writhing on the floor, curled up into fetal position). The crew didn't even dare to try and figure out what was going on.

* * *

"Lass, let me explain…"

"Are you incapable of taking anything seriously at all!?" Gina roared at him, "What is your problem!? You don't do something like that to someone you don't even know!"

Jack scratched his dreadlocks, slightly sheepish, "It always worked before…"

"You idiot! I'm not like one of those scum bag whores! They'll screw anybody so long has they have a dick!"

Captain Sparrow looked highly offended – The Great Pirate Captain of the Caribbean Sea didn't screw just anyone! His loins were required to have only the best! Did she not see that he had chosen her among his exclusive set of lovers?

"And besides that," she continued to rant, "You shouldn't be dicking around like a tool! Don't you remember what Will told you!? That pirate is looking for you and he's going to _kill_ you!"

"Oh, that?" Jack waved it off as if it wasn't really a big deal, "That is a simple story, actually. I had asked to borrow Ol' Roger's map to the Fountain of Youth, and I haven't finished using it yet. Luckily the island, known as Phoenix Island, isn't all that far. I reckon we'll be there in at most a day."

"So you stole the map," Gina deadpanned.

"No, lass, _borrowed_. I'll give it back when I'm done."

Gina rolled her eyes and stood up in a huff. "I don't need this," she growled as she began stalking away.

"W-Wait lass…" Jack grasped her wrist. She slowly turned to glare at him murderously. He paled, and nearly cringed, but he fought that urge desperately. Deep down, he just wanted to scream.

"I'm sorry, lass," he apologize as sincerely as he could, considering he _was_ a pirate. Gina's eyes softened slightly, and she yanked her hand out of his grip.

"I'm going to go keep watch," she grumbled as she walked away. The Captain watched her go, not entirely sure what to do. After all, he didn't usually come across women like her. That last one had been Elizabeth, and even Elizabeth wasn't as fussy as Gina. Was it because of the fact that she was from the future? Had things changed so much?

"… No, probably not…" Jack thought aloud. he did decide, however, that he would approach her in the afternoon and apologize again. Hopefully she would be calm enough to avoid mortally wounding him.

* * *

"Idiot… loser… lecher… it figures that the men here are just as pathetic as the ones I deal with on a daily basis…"

Gina sighed, adjusting her head to a more comfortable position against her arms. "I wanna go home."

She thought back to her friends and family at home. They were probably losing their minds over her spontaneous and inexplicable disappearance. It had been nearly a week since she fell through the portal under her sister's bed. She didn't leave a trace of her whereabouts, not like she had expected to fall into a parallel dimension, mind you. The authorities were probably stumped. Hell, they were probably assuming that she had been murdered.

"I really hope that they get _some_ kind of sign… _something_… so that they don't about assuming I'm dead."

"They, lass?"

Gina stiffened. He really didn't get the hint, did he? But she didn't kick his ass from the deck to Kingdom Come. Instead, she buried her face into her arms, and let out a heavy sigh.

"My family," her muffled voice replied through the sleeves of her sweatshirt, "And my friends. I just up and disappeared, which isn't like me. They all probably think I was killed. Hell, when I get back, I'll be arriving at my own funeral."

Jack noticed that she was tightly clenching the fabric of her hoody.

"I just want to let them know that I'm okay," her voice sounded defeated, miserable. Jack actually felt bad for being an idiot that morning. It appeared that she was bottling up a lot of stress.

He patted and rubbed her back comfortingly, not entire sure what to say. Instead, he glanced up at the sky as he felt a chill; a storm front was approaching. The dark clouds were just beginning to block out the sun. Well, this wasn't good at all.

"I'm sure an opportunity will come up love," Jack then glanced over at Gibbs, "Batten down the hatches."

Gibbs nodded before turning and shouting orders. "All hands on deck! We don't have all day, you scalawags!"

Jack watched the organized panic for a moment before turning his attention back to Gina, who hadn't moved from her depressed post against the railing. He squeezed her shoulder, tugging slightly to hint that he needed her to sit up. The wind was starting to pick up, and it was getting dark fast.

"Something will present itself, I'm sure," he reassured her, "But we need to get inside. A storm's approaching."

Gina looked slightly confused, but that was before the first icy rain drops began to fall.

"R-rain…?" A clap of thunder startled Gina into yelping.

"Yes, lass," Jack's voice was rising to be heard over the intensity of the wind and waves, "And we ought to be inside right about now, I'm sure! Come on!"

He quickly led her along the deck and back into the cabin. The storm was nearly in full force, so they were both positively drenched by the time Jack had shut the door securely.

"Do they always move so fast?" Gina asked as she watched Jack light the lantern. She was attempting to ignoring the deafening roar of the wind and rain outside.

"Aye. They can come out of nowhere. You've got to have an uncanny awareness if you want to sail on the high seas, like the Great Captain Sparrow."

Gina opened her mouth to respond, but a beeping noise coming from her pocket caused her to snap it shut, and fish her cell phone of her pocket. Glancing at the screen curiously, Gina's eyes slowly widened. There was a service bar.

_There was service_.

Jack watched her in bewilderment as she stepped around the room, holding the strange device in the air.

"Lass, what are you…?" he began to ask as she turned toward the door. Promptly, she sprinted from the room.

"Lass!"

Meanwhile, Gina was fighting to keep her footing on the deck as she desperately sought to get better service. There! A second bar! And now a third! It must have been because of the electricity in the air; it must've helped to carry her radio waves through the warp portal! There was a chance she could contact home!

Frantically, she began to text her mom.

_Mom! I'm fine! You'll never believe where I am right now, but just trust me. I'll be home as soon as I can. I'll try to keep you posted! Love, G.  
_

Gina clicked the "Send" button, and watched as the screen flashed "Sending Message".

_Sending Message… Sending Message… Sending Message… Message Sent!_

Gina went to pocket her phone, but she stumbled and dropped it. It bounced down into the belly of the ship.

"NO!" she shrieked, throwing herself at the grating, "MY PHONE! MY PHONE!"

Gibbs was down there, and he picked up the little trinket, "Lass, is this yours?!"

"Yes, it is! Don't let it get wet! Protect it with your life, or I'll kill you! I'll be right down!"

"Lass!"

Gina stood up precariously and looked over at the origin of the voice. Jack was trying to get to her, "You've got to come back inside, lass! It's dangerous out here!"

"I've gotta get my phone…!" The ship suddenly lurched, tossing Gina to the ground, tumbling until she careened into the rail where her head slammed into the hard wood painfully. Jack moved to go to her, but the ship lurched again, and he slipped, falling to the floor. When he tried to get up, he found to his dismay that his leg had been caught up in a pile of netting.

"Bugger!" He noticed Gina staggering to her feet, "Lass! Just stay where you are! I'll come to you!"

She didn't seem to hear him; she had hit her head a lot harder than he realized. She was very obviously in a daze.

Then, the _Black Pearl_ rocked against a wave. Gina stumbled backwards over the railing and into the black and angry waters below.

* * *

**A/N: OMG a cliffhanger! What'll happen to our dear lost child!? I actually haven't decided, but fear not, she's not gonna die. Then this story would've been completely and utterly pointless. I might as well have just deleted it if that were the case. But fear not! I lot of shit still needs to go down; after all, I made up a bad guy. Anyways, I hope the taste of suspense in this story doesn't frighten all you followers away; I'd be really sad! But Read, review, and love! I hope you've enjoyed! And I'll try to update again as soon as I actually come up with what I want to have happen! Yay!**


	7. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Pirates of the Caribbean doesn't belong to me. This particular plot and the OC's, however, do. Enjoy at your own risk~  
**

* * *

"Lass!"

Jack managed to untangle his legs and fought to get to the railing, where he clung tightly as he tried to scan the waters for her.

"Lass!" He yelled as loud as he could. His voice was easily drowned out by the storm that raged around him.

"Captain! What's going on up there?!" Gibbs voice could be heard from the grating. Jack rushed back over, sliding to his knees.

"Gibbs, she fell overboard!" he shouted in response, "Where's her 'phone'?!"

"I have it with me Captain! She told me to not let it get wet and to protect it with my life!"

"Toss it here! I can stash it with my compass in my leather pouch!"

Gibbs quickly did as told. Once the phone was safely tucked away, Jack got to his feet. At this point, the rain had stopped, and the winds were slowly starting to calm down, though the waves were still rocking the boat about.

"I'll be right up, Captain!"

Jack nodded, already dashing over to the railing once more.

"Lass!" He called, his voice carrying now that there wasn't thunder to drown him out, "GINA!"

There was no sign of her; no sound of her voice, not even a sighting of her body.

"Damn!" Jack cursed as Gibbs appeared, searching the waters as well.

"Poor thing!" he said, "There's no way she survived, Captain! The waters are terrible!"

"No," Jack responded quietly, scrutinizing the water thoughtfully, "She's definitely alive," he glanced over at Gibbs, "Why would she have easily joined my crew on a boat without protesting?"

The first mate looked thoroughly confused. "I-I'm not sure where you're taking this, Captain…"

"Because she can swim! She didn't protest because she knows how to swim, and wasn't worried about drowning if she fell overboard! I'm sure she's out there somewhere! No need to worry, Gibbs! I'm sure she can look out for herself."

Gibbs squinted his eyes as he looked through the night, "What's that black shape there, Captain? It looks like…"

"… An island!" Jack declared, hastily pulling out the map, "And from the looks of it, that has to be Phoenix Island! The Fountain of Youth is there! Quick, change the course of this ship so we don't miss it!"

"And what about Gina, Captain?"

"Oh, I'm sure she can take care of herself."

"How so Captain? She's not from this time. She doesn't know the laws of our time. There is no way she'll be okay on her own."

"Well then she'll keep herself alive while we find the Fountain of Youth."

Gibbs rolled his eyes, and muttered just loud enough for Jack to overhear: "Poor thing; probably scared out of her wits. I'm sure all she wants right now is to go home."

Jack faltered slightly, just as Gibbs predicted, and looked slowly back out at the ocean, which was growing evermore visible as the sky continued to clear up.

"_I just want to let them know I'm okay…"_

"_I've gotta get my phone!"_

"_I just want to go home…"_

The Great Pirate Captain Jack Sparrow of the famous _Black Pearl_ rubbed his eyes, looking back out at sea with a distant, almost forlorn look. If anything, he may have looked guilty, sympathetic even.

"We'll find her, Gibbs," he said quietly, without hesitation, "After all, that over there _is_ an island. She'll take care of herself long enough for us to find her, I promise."

Gibbs smiled at that. Finally, Captain Sparrow was being a little compassionate. Unfortunately, while Gibbs was teaching Jack the concept of being a good guy, they failed to notice the ship coming towards them in the night.

A few miles away, a lone figure was clawing their way up the beach, desperately trying to distance themselves from the waters. Shaking uncontrollably, they were crying miserably, choking on the water that made its way into their lungs. They reached the end of the beach and the beginning of the jungle before collapsing, and they slowly curled into a trembling ball.

Gina hugged her knees close to her chest, the tears relentlessly pouring. It was the first time she had cried in _years_; she had, ever since high school, bottled her sadness and unwillingly allowed her anger to overwhelm her. But at this point, nothing mattered. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to warm her aching body, but not having the energy to move any further.

"J-Jack," she whimpered, "Help me."

* * *

The next time she opened her eyes, the sun had reached the high point in the sky. Gina managed to pull herself into a sitting position, glancing around her in a mixture of awe and horror. In front of her was a beach and wide open ocean. Behind her was a thick luscious jungle that brimmed with life.

"W… Where am I…?" she whispered, her eyes wide. And where was everyone else? Was she _stranded _on a desert island?!

What the hell was she supposed to do!?

"Great," she half-snarled, "I avoid getting trampled to death by a bunch of drunken losers only to die on a god damn island! This isn't supposed to be a _Cast-Away_ parody, damnit!"

A headache suddenly erupted behind her eyes, and she took a moment to massage it into submission before standing up. The very least she could do was try to set her self up to not immediately starve to death.

"Damn my life for not paying more attention to Bear Grylls…" she muttered as she pulled off her sweat shit and t-shirt, draping them over a nearby tree branch to let the sun dry, and took off her shoes and socks and set them out in the sun. She at least knew the risks of athlete's foot and gangrene, and so she set off exploring the beach, the sand feeling good between her toes. There wasn't much to use on the beach – a piece of driftwood here, a shell there – but she figured that she could try her hand at primitive fishing. This is also known as using a spear to fish. She never really was one for seafood, but when it came down to either eating food or starving to death, stomaching a bass or something wouldn't mean the end of the world.

Once her clothes were dry and she was fully dressed, she decided to explore the jungle a bit to locate anything she could eat or use for shelter.

The jungle was lush and beautiful, she had to admit, and it brimmed with life. Nothing she'd be able to catch of course, but she had come across some trees that bore fruit. Perhaps they were mangoes? She had also located pineapples, bananas, and coconuts, though she absolutely sucked at busting open the brown shell to get to the milk. More than anything, she was hoping to find a source of freshwater so as to avoid dehydrating and dying that way. Because that would just suck. It wasn't long, however, before she found herself hopelessly lost.

"It figures," she whined as she fought through a particularly thick patch of foliage, "As if I couldn't screw myself any more than I have…!"

The second she burst forth through the greenery, the ground gave way beneath her, and she screamed as she fell into a dark abyss.

* * *

"This is all your fault, Gibbs."

The first mate looked stricken, and he stared at Sparrow incredulously. "P-pardon me, Cap'n?"

"If you had allowed me to stay focused on my quest, I would already be at the Fountain of Youth, and we wouldn't be in this mess."

'This mess' meant being surrounded by Gold Roger's soldiers, all of which had swords trained on Jack and Gibbs' throats.

"On the contraire, Sparrow," Gold Roger himself walked up to Sparrow, a smirk on his face, "This would've happened no matter where you ended up."

"The phrase is actually _au contraire_. It's French…" Jack trailed off as Roger glared at him. "Right. I'll stop talking now."

"Now Jack, I'm sure you know exactly why I'm here. Hand it over."

"Hand what over?"

Gold Roger grabbed the lapels of Jack's vest, yanking him close. "I wouldn't play games if I were you," he growled.

Jack carefully smacked Roger's hand away, stepping back to put space between the two pirate captains.

"Of course," Jack brushed off his clothes thoroughly, "I was going to return it once I was finished with it."

"Oh? And when were you planning on being done with it?"

"When I find the Fountain of Youth."

Gibbs gave Jack a "wtf are you planning" look. Roger drew his sword, pointing it centimeters from Jack's throat.

"For your sake, Jacky-boy, you had better be telling the truth," Gold Roger suddenly smirked, "Actually, I have a much better idea. Since we've already reached Phoenix Island, you can lead me to the Fountain before I chop your head off!"

"Well you don't need to go and do that. It's rude," Jack remarked, slightly offended, "You would do the world a disservice by killing me, the Great Pirate Captain Jack Sparr…"

The blade drifted even closer to Jack's neck. Sparrow raised his hands. "I get it…"

"Good," Roger's grin was dickish (for lack of a better word, and a vocabulary while I'm at it), and he looked at his shipmates, "Round up the rest of Sparrow's crew. We'll be making a trip to land."

As his wrists were being tied by rope, Jack had a furious scowl set on his lips. The captain of the _Black Pearl_ was not happy at all.

Gibbs watched his captain, hoping that Sparrow would surely come up with something before the odds got anymore stacked against them.

* * *

"Ah… my head…"

It was dark, pitch black. Gina couldn't see a thing.

_Well that's because your eyes are still shut DUMBASS!_

Ah, that was slightly better. It was dark, but there was strange light moving about on the walls of the cave/tunnel/underground railroad/whatever that she had accidentally stumbled into, literally. Gina picked herself up slowly, wincing as she prodded the bruise on her head.

"I was lucky was my head was somehow cushioned upon impact…" she thought aloud, carefully walking through the cave, "It wouldn't have been pretty otherwise."

The lights reflecting off the wall were very pretty, moving fluidly and ever-changing. It reminded her of water. As the end of the tunnel she was walking through, there was a bright light.

"Am I really about to die…?" she wondered to herself as she continued along, slightly more hesitant than before, "Light at the end of a tunnel would be the last thing I'd want to walk towards…"

It was fortunate that she did. The tunnel led her out into an underground chamber. There were glittering stalagmites and sparkling stalactites, and a small lake in the very center. Walking up to the edge of the crystal-like water, Gina could see a golden and blue glow emitting from the very bottom.

"Amazing," she breathed, "What is this…"

* * *

**A/N: *le gasp* Could it be?! Yea, probably, if you're thinking what you're supposed to be thinking. Otherwise, you're probably totally off :)**

**Anyway, I'm sorry it took me so long to get this one out. I was stuck on the LAST FREAKIN' SECTION of this chapter, and it was insanely frustrating. Nevertheless, I'm glad I finally got this out. Things have been relatively crazy with school and all, but I hope the next one won't take as long to get out. Of course, with finals being a month away, I doubt my wish will true. Thanks for being patient!  
**


	8. Chapter 7

**This is long overdue guys, I'm really sorry. More info via the A/N at the bottom of this chapter. Moving along...**

**_Pirates of the Caribbean_ does not belong to me. This mess of a plot, as well as the OC's, however, do.**

* * *

"What is this…?"

Gina could only stare in awe as the clear, sparkling water in front of her. Usually, she didn't think much of the liquid she drank everyday, but it looked so magical and beautiful that it almost took her breath away.

Then, she went to take a deep breath to clear her thoughts and discovered that she had the worst case of cottonmouth known to man.

She swallowed thickly. That was right… she hadn't had any water to drink in quite a while, and the sea water she had inhaled during the storm had done a good job dehydrating her. However, staring down at the strange crystals at the bottom of the underground lake, she wondered if the liquid was drinkable. She had never seen the gems before, and wouldn't the minerals do something to the water? At the same time, however, it looked so _clear_.

Tentatively, she leaned closer, sniffing the water. She didn't smell anything foul, and so, she dipped a finger in to the water, tasting it.

"Well, it tastes like water…" she thought aloud as she cupped the liquid in her hands, "I'm just parched, so I'll quench my thirst and go on my way."

With that, she gulped the water down, waiting a few seconds to see if she would suddenly keel over. When she found that she wasn't dying, she took another gulp, sighing happily once she had wet her whistle. Standing up, she grinned down at the lake.

"Maybe I have a chance of getting out of here and going home after all," she thought aloud, before turning and beginning the way she came.

All of a sudden, there was a loud explosion behind her, coming from the water. Before she could turn around, something wrapped around her leg and wrenched her into the water. She didn't even have a chance to scream before she found herself submerged in water. She could feel the water pulling her this way and that. Setting aside trying to figure out _how_ she ended up in the pool, the matter at hand was figuring out a way _out._

Trying to fight the strange current pulling her down towards the bottom, Gina tried swimming back up to the surface. Already her lungs were beginning to burn, and the possibility of drowning was looking more and more like imminent reality.

_Calm down child…_ a deep voice echoed from all around her. Gina glanced around wildly, wondering who, or what, was talking to her underwater. _Just breathe._

_Easier said than done when I'M UNDER-FREAKIN-WATER!_ She mentally shrieked in reply, _I'd kind of inhale water into my lungs!_

_Trust…_

A flickering caught her eye, and she glanced down, eyes widening. The light from the crystals were _moving_. And they were careening straight towards her. One sailed into her chest, and the sensation of it was so startling, she instinctively gasped. But, instead of inhaling water, like she had expected, her lungs filled with air.

_What…?_

Before she could even think about the fact that she was somehow defying the laws of Nature, small bursts of light began sailing into her. Again she felt the strange sensation – warm, tingling all the way out to her fingertips and toe – as it seemed to fill her from within. And it kept going until all the light from the crystals at the bottom were gone. The once majestically sparkling stones were now dull.

_What just happened?_ She thought.

_You are the chosen one, child._ That deep voice was back, somehow being telepathic.

_What do you mean?_

_For millennia, seekers of the Fountain of Youth have traveled over these perilous seas, only to grant their own selfish desires. Many were able to obtain these holy waters; good men and bad alike. We had no way of choosing who would receive our blessing and who would be left without. We had no way of defending ourselves as we were exploited, used, over and over. Until you came along, that is._

_Me?_

_You are the first person since our creation to have drunk without greedy motives. You are pure enough to continue what we have started._

Gina's eyebrows furrowed. _So, those light beams that entered me…_

If she could imagine the face of this disembodied voice, she was sure it'd be nodding. _You will decide who deserves the power of the Fountain of Youth, from now on._

The current changed. Instead of pulling her deeper, Gina was being lifted towards the surface.

_What! What am I supposed to do? I don't understand!_

_You will find the answers in time, child._

Breaking the surface with a gasp, Gina fought to catch her breath as she swam over to the edge of the water, pulling herself out and plopping down on the ground, panting heavily. She was more confused than ever. What did all of that mean? And did that all even happen in the first place?

Once she felt rested enough, Gina shakily stood up. Her legs and arms felt like jello. She was out of shape; that was for sure. But that had been established in Chapter Two, so there was no point dwelling on it. What really mattered was getting out of the cave and somehow making her way back to her little area on the beach. She decided against retracing her steps and instead followed the path on the other side of the lake, moving cautiously forward and not knowing what to expect.

…

It hadn't been more than an hour since Gina's encounter with the disembodied voice in the underground lake when a group of pirates arrived in the exact same cavern, led by none other than Captain Jack Sparrow.

"Are ye _sure_ this be the famed Fountain of Youth, Sparrow?" Gold Roger growled as they approached the massive body of water.

Jack took a glance at the map he held in his hands. "It should be," he replied matter-of-factly, "I wouldn't be pleased if I spent the past few years following this piece of parcel only to find out I was wrong."

Jack and Roger walked up to the water's edge, peering into its depths. According to legend, the Fountain of Youth sparkled and glowed with an ancient magic unlike any other. But, the only thing to be seen was murky darkness. An awkward silence ensued.

"Maybe… maybe the legend about it glowing was an exaggeration…" Jack suggested, reaching a tentative hand into the water. Before he could scoop out and drink some of the liquid, his arm was wrenched away from the water. Roger glared at him murderously before he took a long drink from the water. The group of men watched anxiously as the pirate swallowed and sat for a moment.

"So… anything?" one of the lackeys asked, "Do… do ye feel different, cap'n?"

Gold Roger, surprisingly, looked thoughtful and contemplating as he briefly gauged his senses. "No."

The Captain of the _Black Pearl_ was speechless. He really _had_ been following the piece of paper only to find out he was wrong_?_! He just bloody put his foot, his entire leg, in his mouth! But furthermore, something clearly wasn't right. He _was_ a world-renown navigator; he couldn't possibly be mistaken!

Gold Roger, on the other hand, was positively furious, as he rounded on Captain Sparrow. "I thought I bloody told ye to lead us to the Fountain!" he snarled, roughly grabbing Jack's vest, "Are ye trying to trick me, Sparrow_?_!"

There was a brief moment of tense silence. Jack pointedly removed Roger's hands from his clothing, brushing himself off afterwards. Then, after glancing to the lake once more, a forlorn expression on his face – he _really_ wanted the water from the Fountain of Youth, after all – he scowled towards the group behind him.

"This is bloody ridiculous."

Gold Roger drew his sword, raising it to Jack's throat. "And what's that supposed to mean," he growled. Jack stepped to the side of the blade, still looking annoyed.

"This whole situation," he replied indignantly, making a show of his anger, "It's ridiculous that you're expecting me to properly read and interpret the map, navigate this jungle, and find the fountain while keeping an eye on you lot of neanderthals at the same time! While I'm flattered you this so highly of me, I'm not quite a god!"

Gold Roger eyed him for a moment before he sneered. "Oh, is that so? Well then, how about this: ye can go find the fountain for me. If ye do that much, perhaps I'll return you your ship and crew."

Jack glared at him murderously while Gold Roger cackled. "I'll even be nice! Ye have 5 days to find the Fountain of Youth. But if ye fail, ye can stay here and rot with the fishes!"

And just twenty minutes later, Jack was working his way through the jungle wondering if his idea was going to work out in the end after all. Luckily, what Roger didn't know, was that the captain of the _Black Pearl_ still had his trump card. Grinning triumphantly, he pulled out his magical compass.

"Now, let's find that Fountain of Youth," he spoke to no one in particular.

He followed the compass for about five minutes before he realized something seemed very off about his magical device. And while he wasn't really surprised since it was always acting generally useless, it was a first for the arrow to change direction while he was supposedly walking in the right direction. He stopped in his tracks to make sure it wasn't a fluke and he wasn't just drifting off course, and lo and behold, the arrow kept trailing towards the west. So unless the compass was finally broken for good, the Fountain of Youth was _moving_.

That wasn't ever good. He supposed he could add it to his list of things that we inexplicably amazing, like his undead best friend, and the fact that he was eaten by a giant worm-thing. Nevertheless, not following the compass wasn't going to get him any closer to his goal than following it, so he continued his trek through the thick of the jungle, still puzzled at the changing direction.

"Bugger…" Jack muttered in slight frustration, struggling through a particular patch of foliage. The Fountain appeared to still be moving to the west. Obviously, he had to find a way to head it off. He altered his course, being sure to keep the Fountain to his slight east at least long enough to find some sort of path.

The sounds of the ocean were growing closer. Was the Fountain on the beach? Or maybe… it was becoming one with the ocean!

That wouldn't do; Jack picked up his pace, now running straight towards the Fountain, at least, according to his compass. There was no way he'd gone through all this troublesome crap just to lose its magical powers in the ocean! Who knew what kind of consequences THAT would cause? He fought through foliage, bursting out into the sun, on the beach, only to find…!

Our heroine was staring at him, clearly startled by his arrived. Her face was also turning a deep shade of red. It was to be expected; she was currently in the process of taking her pants off, her shirt already removed and lying out in the sand.

For several long minutes, the duo stood there, staring at each other like deer in headlights. Forgetting the minor detail that the magical compass was supposed to be leading him to the Fountain of Youth, blessed Jack, poor Jack, decided it was best to break the silence and ease the tension.

"Well milady," he had a grin on his face as he began to shrug out of his vest, "It seems you need a little assistance removing your clothing...!"

Gina stuffed one of her wet socks into his mouth, effectively silencing him before she proceeded to hug him tightly. After spitting out the cursed thing – and he was positively traumatized by the fact that it was wet and it was once on her foot – Jack glanced at her, slightly tense as he was unsure of what to expect. Gina, our heroine, was being physically intimate? And not assaulting him_?_! Was she being **possessed**?

"Lass…?" he began. Gina, who had buried her face into his chest, merely tightened her embrace.

"Just shut up, okay?" her wavering voice was slightly thick, "I'll forgive you this time, you perv. You… you actually came for me."

Jack blinked, quickly realizing what she meant, and smiled slightly as he returned her hug, rubbing her back comfortingly.

"Aye, I did."

* * *

**A/N: This took way too ridiculously long to get out. The curse of the last section of the chapter. It was partially that. But a lot has been happening this past year.**

**Firstly, things happened, I finally said something about something, and my scumbag father's in jail as of July '11. This whole fiasco's dredged up a lot of personal crap for me; I've been having trouble writing in ALL of my stories. If you want to know the specifics, I wrote a rather long author's note in _Left Behind_ - as of right now, it's the most recent chapter. So if you wanted to know details, that's where you wanna look. But that's the story of what's really been going on.**

**Secondly, I'm now a senior. Holy crap. I didn't think I'd make it. So, now I've been going through the whole grad school application process. Let me tell you, it's the biggest pain in the ass ever. No two applications are alike, it seems, so you have to do a thousand things for one application, and then a thousand completely different things for another. It's absolutely ridiculous.**

**Right now, I'm home on break, which helped me to finally finish this (once again, like the last chapter, I was stuck on pretty much the last stupid scene). While I generally know the overall plot, I'm not exactly sure what I want to have happen next. I'm gonna start an outline for the next chapter. Hopefully the next chapter won't take nearly a year to write and post.**

**Once again, I'm really sorry this took way too long. I hope this chapter lives up to the standard that the past chapters have set. Also, I'm pretty sure you've noticed - what was originally a crackfic has been turning into a romantic/humor/adventure fic. I hope you, my wonderful readers, don't mind.**

**One more thing; I've gotten a few complaints regarding the title of this story, as well as the others in my Retard series. Let me just say this here. My brother has schizophrenia and Asperger's; my sister has a mood disorder. I have nothing against the mentally disabled, and I love my siblings dearly. I do not associate 'retard' in any way, shape, or form, with 'mentally disabled.' To be retarded means to be an idiot, not because of a mental disorder, but because you are fucking stupid. Carlos Mencia has a phrase to describe what I myself call the retarded: "Dee dee dee." **

**I call this series the Retard series because, simply, my plots are extremely ridiculous and stupid. When the plot's not being raped, the integrity of the characters are. The stories are retarded, thus why I'm named them so. But by you "taking offense" to the term means that _you_ are associating the word with the mentally disabled, and _you_ are defining it as derogatory. If you're too dense to disassociate the word, then, well, I guess it's obvious who the retarded one is in this situation.**

**But to those of you who unconditionally support me and my writing, and are open-minded enough to understand that I'm not being offensive, thank you, and I hope that you continue to support me. I'll try and update within the nearer future next time around guys. In any event, I hope you've enjoyed this chapter! Happy Thanksgiving!**


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